Working it Out

So, I haven't posted much lately. Motherhood has been wonderful but overwhelming.

The little lentil is an awesome baby. He is getting more sophisticated everyday. He laughed yesterday and made my day! It was buffered by screaming on either side but you take what you can get when your peanut has been labeled colicky. That being said, I am becoming increasingly convinced that something more substantial than colic is afflicting my little guy. He screams a lot. He wakes from sleep shrieking. He yelps while he eats. He spends a lot of time grunting and with his brows strenuously knit together.

And it breaks my heart.

And, at its worst, it makes my head ring with a nervous energy that is deafening.

So, now we have turned ourselves wholeheartedly toward two goals: heal Zayd's stomach and manage mommy's anxiety. That's right. I've been officially classified as suffering from post-partum depression.

I am mildly shocked that after overcoming the subchorionic hematoma, fighting to find the birth team I needed, and providing my baby with the birth I felt he deserved, that I can't muscle my way through this. I know that isn't how PPD works. I get it. But it is a new feeling to not be able to control and manage my environment and most importantly my reactions to it. I got through 22 hours of labor using nothing more than my mind for pain management. But I can't utilize my mind to convince myself that my sweet screaming baby is going to be okay? It's fascinating.

So, to heal the lentil we are sticking with the mylicon, gripe water, and probiotics. We are now starting an elimination diet to figure out what exactly triggers this lentil's pains. So, four days of rice, squash, potatoes (sweet and regular!) and pears. It might be longer but I am hoping we see a difference in four days. We will then add a new food in every four days and monitor the lentil.