10 years ago today I spent my last day with my grandma. I can't remember the details of the day, to be honest, but I don't think she spoke with me on this day. We were past that. I remember the night. I spoke with her for hours and hours. And we were together. And some of the woman warriors of my family were there and we sang. My grandma always sang at the top of her lungs and especially in the car.
Everyone should die surrounded by people that love them. And those people should love each other. I'm personally so grateful that I had that.
I think about her all the time but 10 years is a big number. So I just wanted to write down that I love my grandma and I miss my grandma and as I watch my 3 kids play in my backyard I imagine that she might be watching them too. And she'd be really proud that they play outside. And that they think ice cream is a health food. And that they don't wear clothes what's designer names printed across the front. She was exceptionally opposed to using your body for "free advertising". She would like that they drink tea and we would all drink tea together. She'd be happy that I've sewed them pajama pants and that Zahra thinks she's going to be the president. Zayd's politics would tickle her and he is such a political boy. She would be so taken with Zahra. She's basically like my grandma with a tan. Zayd would hug her the most, and talk to her on the phone, and ask her questions about her life. Z3 is such an explosion of energy these days I honestly can't imagine he how he would fit into that world. She be impressed that he knows some of his colors, speaks with small sentences, and she'd smile at his contagious smile. But she would hate how loud he scream talks. Except maybe she wouldn't know that it's scream talking because she'd be pretty darn old.
She lived a good life and full life and I would never dare say she was taken too soon. But it wouldn't have bothered me one bit if she'd live to one hundred.
Today I'm going to light the candle that I lit at her funeral and let it burn on my dining room table. She would appreciate my table. It's solid wood and mercilessly marked up by children who act like children. And I'm going to hope that she visits me when I'm sleeping.