I wonder who is growing...

I remember the days when Zayd was portable and "easy". I used to take him to the front yard and work on our borders or the few flower beds I have planted since we bought our empty canvas of a yard. I loved it and he loved being outside, so it worked well for us. And it felt idyllic. Gardening in general makes me nostalgic and doing it with a gorgeous baby in tow made it a complete white-picket-fence-moment.

 

Then...he learned to walk? Maybe. I am not sure what the turning point was but we stopped hanging out in the front yard and weeds overtook every inch of planting I had done during his first ten months of life. The idea of venturing out there with him made me nearly fearful, at least timid. It seemed he was "too much". So much that I couldn't do something we had always enjoyed. So much that he could no longer enjoy it.

We have had a gorgeous spring here in San Antonio; one I definitely don't take for granted. I have lived through many hot Texas seasons (be them summer, spring, or fall). A few weeks ago I ventured out with Sam and the kids and we got into the work of pulling weeds, to start again. Eventually, I realized that Zayd is past the age that I have to fear the front yard. He has grown. And we CAN garden. I have spent many afternoons out there lately and the walkway leading to our house is edged in bushes and flowers.

Sometimes he races to see how fast he can run from Zahra to the sidewalk, back to Zahra and kiss her. We have only had a few minor collisions.

 Sometimes, he tells Zahra secrets or shows her what Mommy is doing.

He brings me my tea or enjoys a cup of his own.

And he sorts, pours, and organizes dirt.

So, it turns out, that even on my own, I can now garden with two kids. It kind of makes me consider how much Z1 has grown. But a bigger part of me thinks that it is probably me who has changed. You have the second baby and realize that the things that plagued you weren't really plagues. I'm grateful to have had my two Zs so close that I didn't have to spend so much time with the worries of a First Time Mom. Here's to conquering the weeds and a little bit of mommy fear.